Special needs family life can be a roller coaster, in fact any family's life can be exciting with plenty of ups and downs, brief moments of calm thrown in and then thrilling loops, curves and ups and downs with some scary bursts of speed. What remains interesting with the roller coaster life is that no two rides are ever the same. So it's really not good to compare our particular ride with someone else's.
Our home has seen many challenges and endured testings that we didn't know about till we were well into the challenge. We were a licensed medically based foster home for 34 years with 406 placements. We have adopted and currently have 2 very special beautiful daughters age 9 with type 2 Spinal Muscular Atrophy, a 23 week 600 gram preemie, age 12 now with several challenges including her lungs and heart and at home we also have our 23 year old with Panhypopituitarism unique special needs that now keep us going on multiple roller coaster tracks.
Life has been good. Despite the hardships and heart aches of life we can find joy in everyday living. One of the hardest road blocks for us to learn managing complex kids was that there are many different ways to approach the care of the child. We need to always be observant and learn from the teams we work with. In the battle to save a child with a rare disorder not all medical professionals are up to speed and the families at first feel they need to trust them - but, sometimes only after they educate themselves first, then train the medical team on the proper care for their child. Nothing delivers the adrenaline and makes you scream like a maniac when you battle a medical professional and facility who have put you on the worse roller coaster ride available. This is the time for all families to not compare their children but gather together as teammates and become the village. To be successful we need each other to look for life's simple blessings, the more we hope and the more we rise above the disheartening strains and comparisons we will grow and thrive.
1. Comparisons will not help us through the trials. We need to fight the good fights. Instead of the comparisons we need to rise up to strengthen those in their struggles and refresh ourselves by drawing strength of all fighting their battles.
2. Comparison is not even practical when our roller coaster is in the midst of a death-defying plunge, anyone else's will seem calm and comfortable -- and vise versa! Looking over our shoulder -- or above, below, or around us -- can leave us either over confident or empty, discontented and nervous.
3. Comparisons will always show us someone with a better life, a condition worse that ours or a disease we wish our kids didn't have to deal with. Situations dealing with schools, equipment companies, insurance companies and endless hospital visits along with numerous doctor appointments creates a roller coast ride in a very dark tunnel.
4. Comparison of our lives, our children's conditions and circumstances, our family and finances to another's destroys not only our joy but peace and contentment in our home and lives.
6. Comparisons can take away your whole life if you don't learn that the endless striving, and constant comparing is making you miserable. Yes things could be better in your life, in your children's lives. Yes we all wish for it, but in the end it is our opportunity and responsibility to make the most of the life we have. This doesn't mean to stop dreaming and working for the best for everyone in our home.
7. Comparisons can be related to selfies. The problem is that selfies are filling social media and our lives with false hope of assumed perfection. They are 'not real' and will eventually prevent us from being our best, most powerful selves.
Never give up and use what you observe in the world as a reminder that every family has made their life and may not be as happy you are with your life. Even during your difficult moments you can decide to be happier, more positive today than you may have been yesterday.
- Instead of comparing, count your blessings.
- Instead of competing, simply accept and appreciate the people around you.
- Instead of attempting to keep up with others, find a way to rejoice in your highs and lows.
Look for friends and families who have more hopeful dispositions, more natural cheerfulness and more affirmative expectations.
Look for the bright side and resolve your life is just what your family deserves, when we do, our gifts are not just to ourselves, but to everyone around us.
Enough with the obsessions about the roller coaster car on the track next to us as being a bit less stressful, we need to simply get in our own car, buckle up, hold on and enjoy our ride!
